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When someone close to you plays

How to spot problem gambling in someone close to you, how to start the conversation without a row, how to protect the family's finances and where to get free help for yourself too. Counselling line 15410.

Updated: August 202618+
You do not have to carry this aloneThe counselling line 15410 also advises family and friends — anonymously, free of charge and without the player's consent, Mon–Fri 10–18. This page carries no offers and no affiliate links.
Noticing

Signs worth noticing

A crypto casino leaves no "casino" line on a bank statement — the money moves through a crypto exchange or a wallet and the problem can stay unnoticed longer than with an ordinary casino. That is why you should watch behaviour, not only the account statement.

Money matters become secretive: unexpected loans, "investments" in crypto and vanished savings that cannot be asked about.

Crypto apps and wallets that were not there before have appeared on the phone — and the conversation moves elsewhere the moment they come up.

Night-time hours at a screen, sleepless mornings and irritability when the phone is out of reach.

Mood follows the wins and losses: an elated evening alternates with days when they do not talk at all.

Repeated promises of "I will win it back and then stop" — and the next week the same circle starts over.

Work, studies, children or shared plans slip into the background and bills start to be late.

A single sign does not yet mean an addiction and a family member does not make a diagnosis. If several points have accumulated, that is reason enough for a conversation and for turning to a counsellor — even when they do not want help yet. A longer self-check list is on the responsible gambling page.

The conversation

How to start the conversation

Choose a calm moment — not in the middle of a row, not while drunk and not right after a loss. Talk about what you see and feel, not about what they are.

Do this

  • Speak from your own perspective: "I am worried", "I do not sleep at night" — not "you are an addict".
  • Bring out one specific observation: one bill, one night, one loan. Without reading out a list.
  • Offer specific help: we call 15410 together, we go through the limits together, we agree on a bank block.
  • Listen to the end even when the answer is angry or dismissive. A first conversation rarely ends with a promise.
  • Say that you will stay in the conversation even if they are not ready today — and come back after a while.

Avoid this

  • Accusations and labels ("gambler", "liar") — they end the conversation with the first sentence.
  • Ultimatums you do not intend to carry out yourself.
  • Quietly paying off gambling debts — that extends the cycle and moves the debt onto your shoulders.
  • Secret monitoring: going through the phone and watching the accounts without their knowledge.
  • Demanding promises. Demand actions: a call to a counsellor, a limit, a block, a written agreement.

If the conversation turned into a row, that is not a failure. Take a break and come back — the counselling line 15410 also advises on how to start a second time.

An anonymous self-assessment you can send themThe short questionnaire takes a couple of minutes and the answers are not stored. Sometimes taking a test is easier than a conversation.Open the self-assessment
Money matters

Protect the family's finances, not only theirs

These steps do not cure an addiction, but they prevent one bad month from putting a whole family into debt. Take them even when they are not yet looking for help.

Separate the joint finances

The first step

Move aside from the joint account the part that covers the rent, loan payments and the children's costs. Set limits on transfers and the card and keep emergency money in a separate account they cannot access.

Order a gambling block from the bank

In internet banking

Most Estonian banks allow a block on gambling and crypto purchases to be set on a card. It is not watertight — crypto can be bought by other routes too — but it adds friction to the path and a moment for reconsidering. Only the account holder can set it, so offer to do it together.

Do not pay off debts quietly

Debt counselling

"One last time" usually disappears within a week and the problem moves into your budget. Official debt counselling is free and helps map the debts and draw up a payment schedule that does not depend on the next win.

Find a debt counsellor

Put the agreements in writing

One page is enough

Write down who pays what, by what date and what happens if the agreement is broken. A written agreement is not distrust — it protects both of you from memory and from later interpretations.

If your name is on their loan, guarantee or credit card, you are a debtor too — even when the money went on their gambling. Before signing a new agreement, ask a debt counsellor for advice. Your monthly budget can also be set with the help of the limit guide.

Help and contacts

Where you can get help

All the services below also advise a family member. You do not have to wait until the player asks for help themselves, or bring their consent.

Counselling line 15410

Mon–Fri 10–18 · anonymous

The gambling addiction counselling line. You speak to a person who has had this conversation thousands of times — with no registration, no lecture and no asking for your name.

Call 15410

15410.ee

Free counselling

Counselling both for the player and for family and friends, information about meetings and treatment options, and materials that can be read even before calling.

Open the website

võlanõustajad.ee

When debts have already built up

Free debt counselling at the local authority and across Estonia. A counsellor helps map the obligations, communicate with creditors and draw up a payment schedule.

Open võlanõustajad.ee

peaasi.ee

Mental health

If the tension, anxiety or hopelessness has reached you, start here. Free counselling and self-assessments — for a family member's own mental health too.

Open peaasi.ee

You need support too, not only the player. Turning to a counsellor is not "reporting" them — it is a question of your own capacity to cope. If there are threats or violence at home, call the emergency number 112 and the victim support crisis line 116 006.

Recurring questions

The questions a family member has before the first step

The answers concern foreign crypto casinos, where Estonian rules and registers do not apply.

Can I close their account or exclude them myself?
No. Closing an account and self-exclusion can only be requested by the user themselves — a casino does not accept such an instruction from a family member. Your options are the conversation, setting boundaries around the family's finances, and doing together the steps they can take themselves.
Does HAMPI help if they play at a foreign crypto casino?
HAMPI, the list of persons with gambling restrictions, binds only operators with an Estonian licence. A foreign crypto casino does not query that register, so no protection comes from there. If self-exclusion is a necessary tool, the only reliable solution is not to play at foreign casinos at all.
How do I even know how much money is gone?
A crypto casino's name is usually not on the bank statement — you see a transfer to a crypto exchange or a payment service instead. The exact amount usually becomes clear only when they talk about it themselves. Do not turn detective: map the family's obligations and what is already missing instead.
Should I pay off their debts?
A one-off payment of debts rarely gives a lasting result and moves the problem into your budget. If you do decide to help, do it with a written agreement and the help of a free debt counsellor — not in a hurry and not out of a new loan.
They promise to stop but start again. Is there any point in doing anything?
A relapse is part of this problem, not proof that help does not work. Results come from repetition: the same calm talk, the same boundaries and professional counselling. Your task is not to talk them well, but to hold your own life and the family's together.
How do I talk to the children about this?
Talk honestly and in a way suited to their age: the problem is the gambling, not the child or their fault. Say what will change at home and what will stay the same. The counselling line 15410 also helps put that conversation into words.

Do not leave the first step until tomorrow

You do not have to start with a big conversation. Start with one call to 15410 — for your own sake. The call is free and anonymous and does not commit you to anything.

Next

Where to find help